Fast Forward on Life

Sometimes life is just so screwed up so much so i wish i have a remote control and put it on fast forward mode so that I don't have to go through the sufferings. But then what is life without sufferings :(

There are so any things on my mind now but I am just at lost for words. Can't seem to find the appropriate words, sentences or phrases to describe what I am feeling right now.

Numb? Shock? Angry? Frustrated? Victimised? Despair?

It takes a while for reality to sink in and when it does I hope things will be clearer and I can see life again from a new perspective.

Till the time comes... I pray to God to ease my pain and make it more bearable to go through the days. I know what I am doing and I hope it is the right thing to do no matter how crazy it may seem.

Dedication to My Dear Friends

Lately I have been spending quite a lot of time with old friends, either physically or virtually. I remember a few years back our get together sessions were like 2 or 3 times a year. Now it's getting more and more frequent. It looks like we are meeting almost every week.

Everytime we meet, there are always things to talk about, be it reminiscing the past, updating on the current going-ons or predicting the future. Whatever the topics are, we definitely have fun just to be among friends.

And not forgetting the fact that most of us are practically in front of the computer everyday, reading and replying to the tonnes tonnes of emails that keep coming from the group.

What can I say except that I feel I am so blessed to have such friends. Friends who accept each other the way they are... through thick and thin.

We lost a friend due to cancer last year and in a way, there is a blessing in disguise. Somehow it makes us realize that we have to live the moment. Life is too precious to let it just pass by. We lost a friend but a we regain so many back. As I said to my friends a few days ago, I have a feeling that Arwah Dahlia is smiling down at us now, happy that her friends rekindled the sisterhood bond that was built more than a quarter century ago.

To all my friends (you know who you are) you ladies are simply the best! You make me realize that age is just a matter of numbers. You can always twist them around... :)

Anyway, here is something that I would like to share. Some of you may have come across this article before but then I know some may have not. This is for all the matured ladies out there. Have fun!


Reputedly by Andy Rooney (an American humorist and commentator)

As I grow in age, I value older women more. Here are just a few reasons why:

An older woman will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.

If an older woman doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And it's usually something more interesting.

An older woman knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom.

Older women are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

An older woman has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women.

An older woman couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to an older woman. They always know.

An older woman looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, an older woman is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Count Our Blessings

According to MSN Money, inflation in Asia is out of control and the situation most likely will be getting worse in the coming months. For Malaysia, the 3% annual rate for April was a 15-month high, and Bank Negara is now predicting inflation will climb to 4.2% for all of 2008. *sigh*

But if we think our situation is bad, it looks like our neighbour country, Indonesia, is even worse. There's an article in NST today about Jakarta's urban poor that makes me realize how lucky our children are compared to some other children in other parts of the world.

The article reminds me of what happened during our recent trip to Bandung.

It was around 8pm. My husband wanted to alter the pants that he bought at one of the factory outlets. He asked our taxi driver who was waiting for us outside the shop and before the man could answer, there was this young girl about 8 years old who said "Pak, saya boleh tunjukkan" (Sir, I can show you"). So, my husband followed her.

After about 30 minutes, I saw my husband walking back and just slighly infront of him was the same girl who showed him the way just now. When he arrived at the place where I was waiting for him, I heard the girl kept saying "Terima kasih Pak" (Thank you sir) a few times. Then she left.

My husband was quite for a while during our journey back to the hotel. Then he told me what happened.

According to him, after the girl showed him the way, he gave her Rp2,000 which is equivalent to about 76sen. She was so happy and quickly she went to buy 2 pieces of bread. She ate one and she kept the other one. The way she ate it somehow showed that she was hungry and my husband asked her "lapar ya?" ("hungry?"). She answered "ya Pak. Ngak makan dari pagi" ("yes sir. I have not eaten since morning"). Later she said that the other piece was for her brother.

Anyway, my husband told her that she could go if she wanted to as he knew how to get back to where I was waiting but she continued to wait with my husband until the pants was ready.

My husband kept saying how lucky our daughter is. Imagine those children who have to do all sorts of odd jobs to survive. Rp2,000 which he gave to the girl may not mean much to us but to her it filled up her hungry stomach and maybe her brother's as well. And the Rp2,000 given to her was enough to make her waited for my husband to finish his errand.

This happened before the recent fuel hike. If life was difficult for them before, I'm sure it will be worse now.

We should count our blessings. At least our children are able to enjoy a much better life.

What I Learned

Exactly 3 years ago, I made a decision which I later regretted. It took a while to rectify things and as expected, nothing was the same anymore. But little did I know that it was actually a blessing in disguise.

I guess if I did not make that decision, life would not be as it is now. Even though I do have my 'down' moments, but on the whole, life is a lot more tolerable. I began to look at things at different perspectives and in a way it makes me become more adaptable. I thank God for that.

Anyway, here is something that I happen to find on the internet which I would like to share.

What I Learned
by: Author Unknown, Source Unknown

I've learned
- that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

I've learned
- that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.

I've learned
- that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I've learned
- that it's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.

I've learned
- that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better know something.

I've learned
- that it's not what happens to people that's important. It's what they do about it. I've learned - that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I've learned
- that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned
- that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I've learned
- that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I've learned
- that learning to forgive takes practice.

I've learned - that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I've learned
- that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I've learned
- that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I've learned
- that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many years you've lived.

I've learned - that you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed you.

I've learned
- that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned
- that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I've learned
- that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

l've learned
- that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other and just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I've learned
- that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions.

I've learned
- that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I've learned
- that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.

I've learned
- that there are many ways of falling and staying in love.

I've learned
- that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I've learned
- that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I've learned
- that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains.

I've learned
- that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I've learned
- that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.

Sexy Uniform?

I'm back.... finally!!

I have been quiet for almost 2 months.. for no specific reasons actually except that I was bitten by the "lazy bugs". :)

I would still be nursing my laziness if not for my utter disgust on the claims made by Ms Munirah Bahari of National Islamic Student Association of Malaysia that the school uniform worn by girls at government schools "encouraged rape and premarital sex" (as reported by The STAR on 22nd May 2008)

How could she make such claim. It is such a senseless allegation. I wonder whether she really knows what she is talking about. What is so sexy or alluring about a white, straight cut baju kurung top?

Again, women, girls are being blamed for the societal problems that we are facing now. How very unfair. What about those guys who are the cause of the problem? I think instead of zooming on the "prospective" victims, why don't our system do something about those who commit the crime? More severe punishment, perhaps?

No doubt women/girls do contribute to the problems to a certain extent. But, to even think that the current uniform don by the government school girls are encouraging rape and premarital sex is just unbelievable. School uniform?? Urghh! What a narrow-minded statement coming from a University student. Pre-marital sex has nothing to do with what the girls wear to school. And as for rape, as we are all very much aware, even those who are clad in tudung and decently covered are not spared either. Those rapists do not zoom their victims to certain group of people. As mentioned by ivy Josiah (WAO), "rape is not about attire, it's about power that perpetrators feel they have over their vistims."

So Munirah, next time do think wisely before you speak. As a University student, you should know the importance of doing proper researches and studies before making such public statements. It shows one's level of thinking.

A Cursed Gift?

Is it a gift or a curse?

A friend gave the URL for News of the World regarding a Maths genius who used to make headlines before (note: some people may find the photos a bit offensive). Sufiah Yusof, who won a place at Oxford University at the age of 13, is now a £130-an-hour HOOKER.

At first I thought it was just one of the e-mail junks that people spread around. How could a brilliant girl, I mean really BRILLIANT girl ended up like that? But then since the news about her is all over the newspapers, I guess it must be true.

This is a reminder to us all. Don't push the children over their limit. They might rebel and do something beyond our imagination. Touch wood.

I still feel so sad for her. I imagine what it would be like to be in her shoes. She must have felt so suffocated that anything is better than being under the watchful eyes of her too domineering father.

PRU12

I did not cast my vote last Saturday as I was not sure who to vote for in PRU12. As much as I wanted to show my support to the government by choosing the BN's candidate, a major part of me decided not to. So, at the end, I felt contented by just accompanying my husband to cast his vote in Subang Jaya.

Along the way to the polling station, we talked about the candidate that he was going to choose. To be honest, we didn't know who the candidates were. All we know was, we wanted some changes.

Little that we know, that was the sentiments of so many other Malaysians too.

Around 2-3am, Sunday, my husband woke me up to tell me that Datuk Seri Shahrizat Jalil and Dato' Seri Samy Vellu lost their seats. I quickly switched on the TV inside the room and for the next 2 hours or so, my eyes were glued on the TV.

Sunday Star sums the results of PRU12 as Political Tsunami.

The results of the recent election shows that the Rakyat are not very happy with the government. The Rakyat have spoken... very clearly. It's a wake up call to the leaders. It's up to them now to remedy the situation.

When I went to the office on Monday, I was informed by our Corporate Communication dept that the company had to stop the full page Congratulations Message to BN which was supposed to be out in major newspapers. Hmmm.. there goes RM58K... what a waste.

Love Is In The Air!

Come February the 14th, flowers, chocolates, gifts and words of love are exchanged between the loved ones all over the world in celebration of Valentine's day.

When I was in my teens, I really looked forward to this day as that is the time when I can send love poems to those whom I held dear to my heart and also those whom I secretly admired... and not forgetting the thrills of getting them too.

However, as I get older, I have somehow outgrown my infatuation towards St. Valentine and I feel that we don't need a person or a day to remind us to be nice to our loved ones. Love is something very precious and it should be celebrated everyday. Why wait for February 14th to show your love?

I once told my husband not to buy me roses on Valentine's day as I realize that the price charged is so unreasonable. How very unromantic of me.. considering that my star sign is Pisces. :)

Anyway, as I said before, we don't need February the 14th to show our love. Make it a point to say "I love you" to those people who mean so much to us as often as we can. Let them know that we care about them and we love them before it's too late. I learned my lesson well when my father passed away. I just hope that deep inside he knew how much I loved him even though I very seldom said it.


"I love you" , said on any day will always sound sweet.

A dazzling diamond bracelet, regardless whether given on Valentine's day, Mother's day or Birthday, is still a dazzling diamond bracelet and will always make a woman's heart melt. :)

As Mother Teresa said "Love: A fruit always in season."

Down The Memory Lane

I was on Yahoo Messenger with a friend this morning and chatting with her brings back a lot of memories.

This friend of mine is currently doing her PhD at West Virginia University, Morgantown, USA. Not many people know about Morgantown as it is just a small university town in the east coast. But those who follow The US college football will note of its existence as West Virginia University is in the top three of the national ranking (Go Mountaineers!!)

There is this song, sung by John Denver "Almost heaven, West Virginia - Blue ridge mountains Shenandoah river - Life is old there, older than the trees - Younger than the mountains growing like a breeze".

Couldn't agree more. I spent three great years there and trust me when I say that the scenery is so beautiful and splendid especially during fall/autumn... when the leaves change colors...gold and crimson. It's so picturesque. I remember spending hours at the Arboretum near the coliseum ... sometimes taking a walk down the paths, sometimes reading book while having my daily dose of mountain dew and snickers (hahaha.. my main diet at that time), or sometimes just lazing around, doing nothing.

I learned a lot there. Formally, I got my degree. but informally, I learned a lot about life and living. That is something that I will always treasure.

I remember falling in love for the first time there and I also remember having my heart broken for the first time there too. Even though it happened so long ago, but it is still very clear in my mind. I can still picture myself crying my heart out in my room while listening to Whitney Houston's All At Once.. over and over and over.

I also remember partying at the discos after the semesters ended. Our favorite was the one at the Holiday Inn. Can't remember the name though. The first time I went to the disco, I had to borrow somebody else's ID as those below 21 are considered as under aged. I remember the guy who checked my ID looked at me up and down a few times before letting me go in. Then only I realized that the height stated in the ID was 5 feet while I'm much taller than that. No wonder he was skeptical.

This morning my friend mentioned that it started snowing a couple of weeks back and last week the snow was about one feet high. That reminds me of a time when I was stucked in the snow while climbing up a hill to the PRT station (something like LRT). Instead of taking the stairs, I took the shortcut.. ignoring the fact that it snowed quite heavily the night before. Luckily there were 2 guys who were kind enough to pull me out (at that time I was not as heavy as I am now... hehehehe).

Then there was this incident, also happened during winter. I was on my way to class, around 8am and the road was icy and slippery. Instead of my wearing my normal winter boots, I wore my high heels and my suit that morning as I had presentation to do. I think you can guess what happened. Yup, I slipped and fell. It was so embarrassing. Luckily it was still early in the morning and nobody was around except for one lady. She asked me if I was alright and instead of answering her, I asked whether my hair looked okay. Duh, how vain I was...hahahaha.

Well, those were the days...when life was a lot less complicated than now. All I had to worry was how to look good, academically and physically.

Sometimes I miss morgantown and WVU. I just wish that one day I am able to go there again. It would really be nice to be able to visit those places that always have a special place in my heart.

Reunion Dinner

AWESOME!!!!! That is what I can say about the much awaited, recently held reunion dinner for MRSM Kuantan Alumni, best known as KUATAGH, last Saturday (5th Jan 2008).

Once again, our batch recorded the largest number of participants who turned up for the event. There were supposed to be 102 confirmed participants from our batch but on that night a few didn't manage to come and at the end the last count was 94. Not bad at all! 94 out of 600 are from our batch.

I arrived at Sime Darby Convention Centre around 6.30pm with my BFF (gosh! have not used this term for a long long time. Thanks for reminding me, Nini). Good for us as those who came late had to park outside the building.

Eventhough we have left MRSM for quite a while.. it has been yearsssssss ago (more like.. once upon a time...), one thing that never change is once we are among friends, we sort of like transported back to the old days. Screams of excitements can be heard from all corners of the ballroom, particularly ours. There were also a lot of huggings and kissings.

No words can describe the joy of seeing some of the old friends whom I have not met for over 20 years. Some remain more or less like before (much to my envy), some have changed physically (including me), and some look even better than what they used to be (hmmm... I definitely envy them the most!!!).

It was great to get together with friends again. We had fun talking and reminiscing about the old days. Had fun teasing each other about old flames. We even had fun catching some of us in action... :)

Those are the people whom I grew up with. Had been with them during my adolescence years.. we used to share not just foodstuffs and things.. but it goes beyond that. We shared our laughs, our sorrows and our dreams together.

The reunion did not stop there. Around 30 of us proceeded to a mamak restaurant in Taman Tun after that for teh tarik and roti canai... and of course for more laughters and catching ups, which lasted until 3am. It's amazing to see that as we mature, we appreciate friends, especially old friends, even more.

To all my friends.. you guys are GREAT! AWESOME!

Goodbye 2007 and Welcome 2008

2007 came and 2007 went, well almost... in about a few hours.

As 2007 draws to a close, and 2008 is knocking, at first I thought of writing about all the plans that I failed to achieve in 2007 in this final blog for the year. But then on second thought, I decided not to. What's the use of pondering over something negative when I have another year coming for me to do what have yet to be done.

Anyway, as for resolutions, I guess mine still remain basically the same. I'm still hoping against all odds that;

- I will be able to lose at least 10kg.
- I will discover a fountain of youth that makes me look younger each day.

Hahahaha...wishful thinking, NaNa.


Well, on a serious note, I would like to take this opportunity to wish everybody happy holidays and hope you have a great and prosperous new year. I wish that 2008 will be a better year for us all. May our blessings be too many to count and our worries too few to matter.

See you again in 2008. I'm off to Chorus Hotel for New Year's Eve Dinner and Dance. Ellix told us that she wants to go dancing (kids nowadays... she's not even 7 but behaves like she's 17). After calling around, we find that the Hotel caters for families and hopefully we are going to have lots of fun!

Is Ignorance Really a Bliss?

I am the type of person who is always curious to know more. Maybe it's my 'kaypoh' nature or just pure instict... but I always seem to find out about things. Sometimes I wish that I do not know certain things for I often heard people say that ignorance is bliss; what you don't know can't hurt you.

There is also a saying that goes something like this .. "the stupidest mistake in life is thinking the one who hurt you the most, won't hurt you again."

So, what am i getting at here?

Well, I have been feeling quite down these past couple of weeks... *sigh*.. (I know it's not good to sigh but still sometimes I just can't help it). I don't know whose fault it is and I don't want to play the blaming game because at the end I always believe that if you point a finger at somebody else, the other four will be pointing at you. So, it's better if I don't.

This time instead of dealing with the problem the way I used to, I decided to just ignore it. Hopefully it will go away...... that's what I keep telling myself.

Some people may say that I'm trying to avoid facing reality. Well.. maybe.. but at this point of time, I think that is what I can and able to handle.

Facebook and Headhunter

I have finally succumbed to Facebook. Registered about a week ago and I'm addicted. At first I thought it is just another networking tool like friendster (ok but more for youngsters) but then once I'm in it I realize that it is not that bad. Found a few friends whom I have not been in contact with for quite a while.

Anyway, now that I have explored the many wonderful applications in Facebook, life is back to normal. .. :)

In my earlier posting, farewell friends, I mentioned briefly about what's happening at the company where I'm attached to. Well, things are still the same and more and more of the 'old' staff are feeling somewhat demotivated. Many do not dare to voice out their feelings for fear of being transferred or put in cold storage. It happened to me and a few others and I know it can happen to so many others who dare to 'go against the flow'. Well, in my case it was not really against the flow, but more of questioning why it flows this way instead of that way.

A few of my friends left and I know more will be leaving too, if the opportunity knocks on their door.

Anyway, something wonderful happened to me last Thursday. I received a call from a Headhunter asking for my resume. It seems that they are looking for somebody to handle a portfolio that I'm quite familiar with and somebody recommended me.

It took me quite a while to get my resume done (gosh! have not updated it for more than 5 years). Sent the resume and now waiting for the results. Regardless whether I get the job or not, but I still feel good because somewhere out there, people still value my capabilities. They still know what I can do and have the confidence that I can do it well. It may sound pathetic but the fact is, that phone call really makes me happy. It's not so much because of the prospect of having a chance to get a new job but it is more of the fact that I still have my worth. That phone call somehow reassured me that I still have my value.

To be honest, even though I am not happy working here at the moment, but if given a choice, I do not want to leave. As I mentioned before, I don't mind getting old with the company. I have been here since it was still an infant with less than 50 people... about 9 years ago, and I don't mind going for another 9 or more years.

My Sentimental Moment....

I was sipping my latte at Starbucks Coffee, Amcorp Mall yesterday when something interesting caught my attention. Not very far from where I sat, I saw a couple, whom I guess must be in their 60's, and the way they were holding hands and smiled to each other while browsing through the sunday flea market stalls really warmed my heart.

Very seldom I see elderly couples, especially malays, walk holding hands like that. There was tenderness in the way they regarded each other and I could almost feel it.

How I wish I have that kind of love when I am going through my golden years.


I found this poem, which was written by Ana Castillo and I think it's very beautiful:

I Ask the Impossible

I ask the impossible: love me forever
Love me when all desire is gone
Love me with the single mindedness of a monk
When the world in its entirety
and all that you hold sacred advise you against it
love me still more

When rage fills you and has no name: love me
When each step from your door to your job tires you: love me
and from job to home again, love me, love me

Love me when you're bored
when every woman you see is more beautiful than the last
or more pathetic, love me as you always have
not as admirer or judge
but with the compassion you save for yourself in your solitude
Love me as you relish your loneliness
the anticipation of your death
mysteries of the flesh
as it tears and mends

Love me as your most treasured childhood memory
and if there is none to recall
imagine one, place me there with you

Love me withered as you loved me new
Love me as if I were forever
and I, will make the impossible a simple act
by loving you, loving you as I do.

Al Fatihah.. Dahlia in Memory

Around 3am Monday morning my mobile phone rang. When I saw the caller ID, my heart skipped. Immediately I was thinking.. "Oh, No.. please let it not be true".

My instinct was right. This friend of mine called to say that our close friend, Dahlia, has finally rested in peace at 2am.

Even though I sort of expected this to come, but still when the time came, I was not prepared for it. After a brief silence, I couldn't help crying. But I know this is the best for Dahlia. GOD loves her more and GOD doesn't want her to go through the sufferings anymore.

Dahlia was diagnosed with stomach cancer (stage 3) in May 2007. At that time the tumor had spread to lymph nodes and she was recommended by doctor to go for chemo to downstage it. Even though she did all the recommended treatments faithfully, unfortunately, it didn't help much.

I went a couple of times to visit her but somehow did not manage to see her during Ramadhan (still feel bad for not doing so). Tried to go on two occasions but both times I had to postpone as she was undergoing her chemo. Only managed to see her after Hari Raya on 19th Oct and I was shocked to see the changes in her. She lost so much weight and was down to 43 kg at that time. Imagine that much of weight on somebody who is 5'5" tall!

It was really sad to see a once bubbly and very cheerful person in such condition. After my initial shock of seeing how frail and weak she was, her mother asked me to sit on the chair next to her bed and I held her very thin hands. When I greeted her, I could see the effort it took her to open her eyes and look at me. But she did and she even managed a smile. After a while, she managed to say a few words to me.

I remember helping her to go to the bathroom and all I could feel was bones. It took a lot of effort not to cry in front of her. A few of us who are close to her promised her husband not to shed any tears when we see her and we had to honour that promise.

Before I left, she said to me to call her husband if I want to visit her as she will not be answering her calls. When I heard that, I know she wanted me to visit her more often. Luckily I did, almost everyday except for 3 days when I was sick. If not, I will regret it for the rest of my life.

A few days after that her condition got worse and on Tuesday, 23rd October, the family decided to send her back to Gleneagles Hospital as she was so dehydrated and weak.

When I visited her last Saturday, she was in so much pain. Her breathing was difficult, her face was very pale and even though her eyes were opened, she seemed like she was in another world. The doctors couldn't do anything much as they had exhausted all means and she was relying mainly on painkiller aka morphine. Visitors were not encouraged and we had to go in one by one.

It was a bit too much for me seeing her like that. I was in her room for about 5 minutes only and I quickly left and joined other friends outside the room. Seeing her like that drained all my energy. She was hurting very much and there was nothing that anyone could do except kept telling her to have faith in Allah and have patience.

I managed to hold my tears until I was safely in the car. I cried all the way home to Shah Alam

I thought of going to the hospital again on Sunday but I cancelled it. I didn't have enough guts to see her in so much pain. I knew I would breakdown and cry. I kept imagining what if I am in her situation. How will I take it? How will my family take it? The thought of her daughter who is only four years old growing up without a mother breaks my heart. She is too young to understand.

I prayed to GOD to ease her pain and give the best for her. Looking at her, I knew her time was very near.

So, when I received the call early yesterday morning, there could only be one thing. She must have made it.

According to her mother, she passed away in peace. She was calm. When I kissed and bid farewell to her before her jenazah was sent for burial yesterday, I knew our prayers were answered. This is the best for her. There will be no more pain for her.

I still find it a bit overwhelming. It is surely very difficult to say goodbye to a very dear friend whom I have known since I was 13. We were roomates back in our MRSM days, housemates when we were in States and housemates when we started working. We shared a lot of memories together.

To Dahlia dearest, you will always be remembered and sadly missed by us all. May your soul rest in peace. Al Fatihah.

A Moment of Inspiration??

Today, at 21.21.00, the new darling of Malaysia Boleh, Dr. Sheikh Muszaphar Shukor will become the first Malaysian Angkasawan to venture into space.

Dr. SMS was picked by the Russian Space Agency selection panel as the first choice to join American Commander Peggy Whitson and Russian flight engineer Yuri Malechenko, making Dr. Faiz Khaleed the second choice.

I still have mixed feelings about this though. No doubt I'm proud that Malaysia's first man in space will put the country on the world map but at the same time I am not quite happy to see yet another millions and millions of taxpayers' money (including mine too!!) is spent on another Malaysia Boleh project. If only the money could be spent on other worthy projects that can benefits Malaysians at large instead .... hmmm...

While we Malaysians are so proud in calling him our Angkasawan, NASA referred to Dr. SMS as Malaysian spaceflight participant instead of Astronaut. What does that imply? Are we really ready to go into space or we go into space because we paid a huge sum for the ticket? Well.. I'm still not happy that the government spends so much money for the sake of having "this moment to inspire generation". And to think that there is a possibility of another mission in 2008 and 2007.....hmmm.. sigh!

Nevertheless, I still would like to wish Dr. SMS all the best. I hope he has a good blast-off and have a safe journey back to earth. Since Malaysia has already gone this far, make sure that the mission worth every ringgit and sen spent.

Dr. SMS is sure one lucky chap. He's smart, has a good job, he's good looking and to top that up.. he's single. Girls will be crazy after him. Even now he is already listed as one of Malaysia's most eligible bachelors. :)

By the way, guess what he's bringing to space?

Biryani Chicken
Satay Ayam
Rendang Tok
Sliced dried Mango
Banana rolls
Tempe
Ginger Jelly
Roselle Granola Bar
Kuih Raya Bangkit

Got that from Dr. SMS's blog in angkasawan. The menu was approved and will be brought up to the International SpaceStation (ISS). All this while I thought they only eat the energy bars...hehehehe. Anyway, at least he's going to have a good Raya up in the space.

Farewell Friends

It is sad to receive bad news one after another (actually don't know whether it's bad or good news ... depends on which perspective we are looking at).

These past few months we have seen many of the 'old' staff left the company, and the number keeps growing. To top that up, two more tendered their resignation... one on Monday and another one yesterday.

I feel so sad because not only they are dear friends of mine, but they are also among those who I think contributed a lot to the company thus far. They are heading two important departments here, one is on the revenue and another on controls the financial matters.

In my opinion, they left because they are not happy with the current situation of the company(but of course, another reason is because the offer is quite good to just let it go). Since the new management comes in, many of the staff who have served the company ever since its infant days (including yours truly) feel that we are not being appreciated . The new management see us as a bunch of jokers, idiots who do not know how to do our jobs. Hence, the reason why they bring in so many people at the top posts... some are just newly created. No doubt some are quite good (even though not as excellent as they were portrayed to be), but some are still yet to prove themselves worthy of the remuneration package given.

It has been seven months since the new management took over but so far I do not see much progress been made... apart from hiring new people and transferring some staff to other departments. Changes to the structure happens so fast nowadays. If they think a person is not suitable for that department (maybe because he/she tends to voice out his/her opinion about how things should be done), then that person will be transferred (again.. including yours truly). Those who tend to voice out opinion are seen as pro old management and those who just follow instructions are noted in their good book.. regardless whether they can perform their jobs effectively or not. I think I know which category I am regarded as even though I have no such intention of going against the new management. Too bad for me, I guess. :(

The question is what happens to one's competencies? Doesn't that count anymore? Well.. let's keep our finger crossed that they know what they are doing. Let's hope for the best.

The new ones are yet to prove their worth. Even though we are just a bunch of jokers, we have contributed in making the company the way it is now. The company is able to survive on its own without help from previous parent company or any bodies, be it government or private. The new ones got it easy.. they come in with good packages and enjoy the benefits of our hard efforts while we had to sacrifice a lot.. no increments and bonuses for the first 2,3 years when the company was fist started....hmm.. it seems so unfair. I guess some people have all the luck. But don't forget, life is just like a rolling wheel, sometimes you are up sometimes you are down.

Most of us love the company and we don't mind growing old with the company. But from the way it is now.. I think it's time to update my resume. Gosh.. it has been more than 9 years.... :(

Meanwhile, to 2 dear friends of mine.. I wish you all the best for your future undertakings. It is sad to see you go. But then as I told you both.. in a way I am happy for you too... you are going for greener pastures.

Ramadhan Tag

I was tagged by guile. It was a bit difficult to choose the best 5 as I lurve food.... hehehe. Anyway, this one is for you dear.


NAME 5 FAVOURITE FOOD THAT YOU FEEL LIKE HAVING NOW

1. Laksam (especially if cooked by my Umi)
2. Dim sum
3. Bread and butter pudding (nothing beats the one served at Alexis)
4. Fajita
5. Chili Crab (from Fatty Crab kat Taman Megah)

NAME 5 FOOD YOU WOULD LIKE TO HAVE FOR BREAKFAST IF YOU COULD

1. Uncle Lim's roti bakar and half-boiled egg
2. Nasi dagang
3. Fried tanghoon kurang pedas
4. Roti Jala
5. Capati

NAME 5 FOOD YOU WOULD MOST LIKELY BUY FOR BERBUKA TODAY

1. Popiah basah (with the crispy thingy inside)
2. Tepung pelita
3. Ikan terubuk bakar
4. Udang masak lemak
5. Nasi kerabu

NAME 5 FAVORITE BEVERAGES YOU WOULD LIKE TO HAVE FOR BERBUKA OR SUPPER TODAY

1. Honey dew bubble tea
2. Fruit juice (anything.. as long as fresh juice)
3. Barley panas
4. Teh tarik
5. Hot chocolate with marshmallow

Finally.. I'm done. Now I would like to pass the baton to:

1. Axa ~ Malam pun tak pe as long as you do it
   Zawi ~ Can't wait to see your choice of food.. :)
2. Anne ~ Hope you don't forget your ID and pasword this time..hehehehe.
3. Mcbudu ~ hope you don't mind doing this.
4. Ku_am ~ I know you are very busy but I still insist that you do it for me. You have not blogged for quite a while.

Have fun guys.. :)

Being Human

I have not done Tahajjud prayer for quite a long time and alhamdulillah last night I was able to.

I don't know why but as I sat on the sejadah reciting my doa, I felt the urge to cry and cry I did. I cried and cried until my eyes were all puffy.

I felt so small, so humble and so helpless.

I prayed that Allah will forgive me for not being thankful enough for all the Rahmat bestowed upon me. I realize that I have been so self-centered and always ask for more while giving so little in return.

As I wrote in my earlier posting, I wonder too much and often ask why I don't get what I wish for, why my dreams are not fulfilled, and why certain things in life do not go as planned.

Now I'm beginning to come to terms with that and redha with whatever that I have at the moment. I am still far better off compared to million others in this world. Here I am wondering why I don't get this and that while others who are less fortunate than me are thinking about how to survive at this very moment.

Ya Allah.. please give me strength to go through this life. I am just a human being with a lot of imperfections.

My Proud Moment

I am beaming with pride.

So far Ellix has managed to do her half-day fasting for about 7 days already. What makes us so proud is the fact that we never asked her to but she does it out of her own will. We just explained to her what puasa means and why Muslims are required to puasa during ramadhan. We told her that it is not compulsory for kids to puasa but it will good if they do.

The first time Ellix told me that she puasa and did not eat until she got back home from her Kindie, I really thanked God. Even though it was only half a day, it is better than nothing. It's a start!

I, in a way, wondered what makes her decided to fast. Somehow I was sure it's not from the pep-talk that I had with her. Later I found out that she decided to puasa because her close Kindie friends who are muslim mostly puasa and did not eat during break. She further said that "Mama, the teacher did not scold us for not eating and did not ask us to stand at a corner this time. She let us play while others eat".

Hmm.. as I said before, Ellix will always be Ellix.
- Given the choice of eating and playing, she would definitely choose to play.
- She succumbs to peer pressure. But, hey.. I don't mind. This is a good peer pressure.

I thank God for the rahmat bestowed upon me thus far. Looking at her now makes me realize that, despite having so many unfulfilled wishes, life is not that bad after all.