Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Al Fatihah.. Dahlia in Memory

Around 3am Monday morning my mobile phone rang. When I saw the caller ID, my heart skipped. Immediately I was thinking.. "Oh, No.. please let it not be true".

My instinct was right. This friend of mine called to say that our close friend, Dahlia, has finally rested in peace at 2am.

Even though I sort of expected this to come, but still when the time came, I was not prepared for it. After a brief silence, I couldn't help crying. But I know this is the best for Dahlia. GOD loves her more and GOD doesn't want her to go through the sufferings anymore.

Dahlia was diagnosed with stomach cancer (stage 3) in May 2007. At that time the tumor had spread to lymph nodes and she was recommended by doctor to go for chemo to downstage it. Even though she did all the recommended treatments faithfully, unfortunately, it didn't help much.

I went a couple of times to visit her but somehow did not manage to see her during Ramadhan (still feel bad for not doing so). Tried to go on two occasions but both times I had to postpone as she was undergoing her chemo. Only managed to see her after Hari Raya on 19th Oct and I was shocked to see the changes in her. She lost so much weight and was down to 43 kg at that time. Imagine that much of weight on somebody who is 5'5" tall!

It was really sad to see a once bubbly and very cheerful person in such condition. After my initial shock of seeing how frail and weak she was, her mother asked me to sit on the chair next to her bed and I held her very thin hands. When I greeted her, I could see the effort it took her to open her eyes and look at me. But she did and she even managed a smile. After a while, she managed to say a few words to me.

I remember helping her to go to the bathroom and all I could feel was bones. It took a lot of effort not to cry in front of her. A few of us who are close to her promised her husband not to shed any tears when we see her and we had to honour that promise.

Before I left, she said to me to call her husband if I want to visit her as she will not be answering her calls. When I heard that, I know she wanted me to visit her more often. Luckily I did, almost everyday except for 3 days when I was sick. If not, I will regret it for the rest of my life.

A few days after that her condition got worse and on Tuesday, 23rd October, the family decided to send her back to Gleneagles Hospital as she was so dehydrated and weak.

When I visited her last Saturday, she was in so much pain. Her breathing was difficult, her face was very pale and even though her eyes were opened, she seemed like she was in another world. The doctors couldn't do anything much as they had exhausted all means and she was relying mainly on painkiller aka morphine. Visitors were not encouraged and we had to go in one by one.

It was a bit too much for me seeing her like that. I was in her room for about 5 minutes only and I quickly left and joined other friends outside the room. Seeing her like that drained all my energy. She was hurting very much and there was nothing that anyone could do except kept telling her to have faith in Allah and have patience.

I managed to hold my tears until I was safely in the car. I cried all the way home to Shah Alam

I thought of going to the hospital again on Sunday but I cancelled it. I didn't have enough guts to see her in so much pain. I knew I would breakdown and cry. I kept imagining what if I am in her situation. How will I take it? How will my family take it? The thought of her daughter who is only four years old growing up without a mother breaks my heart. She is too young to understand.

I prayed to GOD to ease her pain and give the best for her. Looking at her, I knew her time was very near.

So, when I received the call early yesterday morning, there could only be one thing. She must have made it.

According to her mother, she passed away in peace. She was calm. When I kissed and bid farewell to her before her jenazah was sent for burial yesterday, I knew our prayers were answered. This is the best for her. There will be no more pain for her.

I still find it a bit overwhelming. It is surely very difficult to say goodbye to a very dear friend whom I have known since I was 13. We were roomates back in our MRSM days, housemates when we were in States and housemates when we started working. We shared a lot of memories together.

To Dahlia dearest, you will always be remembered and sadly missed by us all. May your soul rest in peace. Al Fatihah.

23 comments:

Akmal said...

Assalamualaikum.

Losing a dear friend sure will break our heart. I cannot say anything but to tell you to be patient.All starts have the ends, so do lifes. Your dear friend won't be happy if you keep on crying for her. Th least we can do is to pray that the blessings of the Almighty will always be with her.

Al fatihah...

rimau manja said...

Al-Fatihah....

stay strong, bersabar...

NaNa said...

Waalaikum salam akmal,

Thanks for the visit.

Alhamdulillah.. even though I'm still grieving for the loss of a dear friend, I have come to terms with that.

I doakan arwah be placed among org2 yang solehah.

NaNa said...

RM,

TQ. Insyaallah I'll stay strong. It's just that this is the 3rd person who are close to me died of cancer.

My late father passed away in 2000 because of colon cancer.

Earlier this year, a good friend of mine also died of colon cancer.

elviza said...

Dear Nana,

I have a friend like this too. The one that I went to MRSM with, studied in the UK together and stayed together before I got married for many2 years. I cant imagine if she gets sick and I have to endure what yoyu are going through now.

Al fathehah to your friend. I hope your find strength to deal with this test. Death, after all, is part of live my friend.

Take care. Hugs.

ruby ahmad said...

Hi NaNa,

Aduhai..so sad to read this. Entah lah nampak gaya nya life is so fragile. We also felt sad for D who just lost her hubby to stomach cancer.

You have been a good friend Nana to Dahlia. Al-Fatihah.

dibawahaspal said...

al fatihah sedekah diberi
kepada rakan yang tiada lagi
harapkan tabah kepada keluarga
dari Allah kekuatan jiwa raga

NaNa said...

Elviza,

TQ.

Yes, death is inevitable. There will be a point where we have t face it. I's part of living.

U too, take care.

NaNa said...

Hi Kak Ruby,

Life is definitely very fragile. We never know when our time will come. We may seem to be healthy today but we never know what is in store of us the next day.

I read about D's husband too. Kesian. May GOD bless his soul.

NaNa said...

Dear dibawahaspal,

TQ for the kind words (i mean pantun).

Semuga roh arwah dicucuri rahmat oleh Allah s.w.t.

McBudu said...

I lost my very close friend 15 years ago. Colon Cancer took him away. He underwent all sorts of treatments, chemo, remove part of the intestines, pills etc. Only God knows how teribble the pain was.

After all the sufferings, he almost gave up and humbly asked his family to just read Yassin to him, which his family complied. The next morning he passed away peacefully. I never stop crying for the next few days, until I realised Allah just love him more and want to end all the sufferings he had.

You just lost a dear friend. I know exactly how you feel, but please, if you love her, let her go. God knows whats best for her and her friends she left. Semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atas rohnya.

Alfatihah.

Zawi said...

Nana,
Death seems to be the only way to end her suffering.
Semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atas roh Allahyarhamah.

NaNa said...

Dear Mcbudu,

Arwah my dad passed away of colon cancer too. When he was diagnozed, the cancer was already at stage 4. He passed away on his birthday, lebih kurang 1 year and 3 mths after that.

Taking care of somebody sufferring from terminal illnesses is never easy... emotionally. It breaks our heart to see their pain.

NaNa said...

Dear Pak Zawi,

You are right. Sometimes there is no other way to end the pain and sufferings, except death.

TQ for the kind words.

david santos said...

My friend, Please!

Send an email to the Brazil embassj your country and repor the injustice that the brazilian courts are making with this girl

Thank you

The resignation is to stop the evolution. (David Santos in times without end)

David Santos

idham said...

Al Fatihah....for Arwah Dahlia...

you are a good friend!

idham

NaNa said...

Dear Idham,

Thanks.

NaNa said...

David,

How sad to know injustice happens all over the world.

Hanafi Mohd Noor said...

Are you from MRSM Kuantan? I was and the late Dahlia was too. My nickname in school was Pusher (I dont sell drugs but skinny to the bone).
www.hanafionline.com
Al Fatihah.

NaNa said...

Dear Hanafi,

Yes, I am ex-MRSM Kuantan (Kuatagh), same batch as arwah Dahlia. We used to be roomates in MRSM and we went to the same University in US.

Pusher??.... Hmmm... let me recall...

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