Al Fatihah.. Dahlia in Memory

Around 3am Monday morning my mobile phone rang. When I saw the caller ID, my heart skipped. Immediately I was thinking.. "Oh, No.. please let it not be true".

My instinct was right. This friend of mine called to say that our close friend, Dahlia, has finally rested in peace at 2am.

Even though I sort of expected this to come, but still when the time came, I was not prepared for it. After a brief silence, I couldn't help crying. But I know this is the best for Dahlia. GOD loves her more and GOD doesn't want her to go through the sufferings anymore.

Dahlia was diagnosed with stomach cancer (stage 3) in May 2007. At that time the tumor had spread to lymph nodes and she was recommended by doctor to go for chemo to downstage it. Even though she did all the recommended treatments faithfully, unfortunately, it didn't help much.

I went a couple of times to visit her but somehow did not manage to see her during Ramadhan (still feel bad for not doing so). Tried to go on two occasions but both times I had to postpone as she was undergoing her chemo. Only managed to see her after Hari Raya on 19th Oct and I was shocked to see the changes in her. She lost so much weight and was down to 43 kg at that time. Imagine that much of weight on somebody who is 5'5" tall!

It was really sad to see a once bubbly and very cheerful person in such condition. After my initial shock of seeing how frail and weak she was, her mother asked me to sit on the chair next to her bed and I held her very thin hands. When I greeted her, I could see the effort it took her to open her eyes and look at me. But she did and she even managed a smile. After a while, she managed to say a few words to me.

I remember helping her to go to the bathroom and all I could feel was bones. It took a lot of effort not to cry in front of her. A few of us who are close to her promised her husband not to shed any tears when we see her and we had to honour that promise.

Before I left, she said to me to call her husband if I want to visit her as she will not be answering her calls. When I heard that, I know she wanted me to visit her more often. Luckily I did, almost everyday except for 3 days when I was sick. If not, I will regret it for the rest of my life.

A few days after that her condition got worse and on Tuesday, 23rd October, the family decided to send her back to Gleneagles Hospital as she was so dehydrated and weak.

When I visited her last Saturday, she was in so much pain. Her breathing was difficult, her face was very pale and even though her eyes were opened, she seemed like she was in another world. The doctors couldn't do anything much as they had exhausted all means and she was relying mainly on painkiller aka morphine. Visitors were not encouraged and we had to go in one by one.

It was a bit too much for me seeing her like that. I was in her room for about 5 minutes only and I quickly left and joined other friends outside the room. Seeing her like that drained all my energy. She was hurting very much and there was nothing that anyone could do except kept telling her to have faith in Allah and have patience.

I managed to hold my tears until I was safely in the car. I cried all the way home to Shah Alam

I thought of going to the hospital again on Sunday but I cancelled it. I didn't have enough guts to see her in so much pain. I knew I would breakdown and cry. I kept imagining what if I am in her situation. How will I take it? How will my family take it? The thought of her daughter who is only four years old growing up without a mother breaks my heart. She is too young to understand.

I prayed to GOD to ease her pain and give the best for her. Looking at her, I knew her time was very near.

So, when I received the call early yesterday morning, there could only be one thing. She must have made it.

According to her mother, she passed away in peace. She was calm. When I kissed and bid farewell to her before her jenazah was sent for burial yesterday, I knew our prayers were answered. This is the best for her. There will be no more pain for her.

I still find it a bit overwhelming. It is surely very difficult to say goodbye to a very dear friend whom I have known since I was 13. We were roomates back in our MRSM days, housemates when we were in States and housemates when we started working. We shared a lot of memories together.

To Dahlia dearest, you will always be remembered and sadly missed by us all. May your soul rest in peace. Al Fatihah.

A Moment of Inspiration??

Today, at 21.21.00, the new darling of Malaysia Boleh, Dr. Sheikh Muszaphar Shukor will become the first Malaysian Angkasawan to venture into space.

Dr. SMS was picked by the Russian Space Agency selection panel as the first choice to join American Commander Peggy Whitson and Russian flight engineer Yuri Malechenko, making Dr. Faiz Khaleed the second choice.

I still have mixed feelings about this though. No doubt I'm proud that Malaysia's first man in space will put the country on the world map but at the same time I am not quite happy to see yet another millions and millions of taxpayers' money (including mine too!!) is spent on another Malaysia Boleh project. If only the money could be spent on other worthy projects that can benefits Malaysians at large instead .... hmmm...

While we Malaysians are so proud in calling him our Angkasawan, NASA referred to Dr. SMS as Malaysian spaceflight participant instead of Astronaut. What does that imply? Are we really ready to go into space or we go into space because we paid a huge sum for the ticket? Well.. I'm still not happy that the government spends so much money for the sake of having "this moment to inspire generation". And to think that there is a possibility of another mission in 2008 and 2007.....hmmm.. sigh!

Nevertheless, I still would like to wish Dr. SMS all the best. I hope he has a good blast-off and have a safe journey back to earth. Since Malaysia has already gone this far, make sure that the mission worth every ringgit and sen spent.

Dr. SMS is sure one lucky chap. He's smart, has a good job, he's good looking and to top that up.. he's single. Girls will be crazy after him. Even now he is already listed as one of Malaysia's most eligible bachelors. :)

By the way, guess what he's bringing to space?

Biryani Chicken
Satay Ayam
Rendang Tok
Sliced dried Mango
Banana rolls
Tempe
Ginger Jelly
Roselle Granola Bar
Kuih Raya Bangkit

Got that from Dr. SMS's blog in angkasawan. The menu was approved and will be brought up to the International SpaceStation (ISS). All this while I thought they only eat the energy bars...hehehehe. Anyway, at least he's going to have a good Raya up in the space.

Farewell Friends

It is sad to receive bad news one after another (actually don't know whether it's bad or good news ... depends on which perspective we are looking at).

These past few months we have seen many of the 'old' staff left the company, and the number keeps growing. To top that up, two more tendered their resignation... one on Monday and another one yesterday.

I feel so sad because not only they are dear friends of mine, but they are also among those who I think contributed a lot to the company thus far. They are heading two important departments here, one is on the revenue and another on controls the financial matters.

In my opinion, they left because they are not happy with the current situation of the company(but of course, another reason is because the offer is quite good to just let it go). Since the new management comes in, many of the staff who have served the company ever since its infant days (including yours truly) feel that we are not being appreciated . The new management see us as a bunch of jokers, idiots who do not know how to do our jobs. Hence, the reason why they bring in so many people at the top posts... some are just newly created. No doubt some are quite good (even though not as excellent as they were portrayed to be), but some are still yet to prove themselves worthy of the remuneration package given.

It has been seven months since the new management took over but so far I do not see much progress been made... apart from hiring new people and transferring some staff to other departments. Changes to the structure happens so fast nowadays. If they think a person is not suitable for that department (maybe because he/she tends to voice out his/her opinion about how things should be done), then that person will be transferred (again.. including yours truly). Those who tend to voice out opinion are seen as pro old management and those who just follow instructions are noted in their good book.. regardless whether they can perform their jobs effectively or not. I think I know which category I am regarded as even though I have no such intention of going against the new management. Too bad for me, I guess. :(

The question is what happens to one's competencies? Doesn't that count anymore? Well.. let's keep our finger crossed that they know what they are doing. Let's hope for the best.

The new ones are yet to prove their worth. Even though we are just a bunch of jokers, we have contributed in making the company the way it is now. The company is able to survive on its own without help from previous parent company or any bodies, be it government or private. The new ones got it easy.. they come in with good packages and enjoy the benefits of our hard efforts while we had to sacrifice a lot.. no increments and bonuses for the first 2,3 years when the company was fist started....hmm.. it seems so unfair. I guess some people have all the luck. But don't forget, life is just like a rolling wheel, sometimes you are up sometimes you are down.

Most of us love the company and we don't mind growing old with the company. But from the way it is now.. I think it's time to update my resume. Gosh.. it has been more than 9 years.... :(

Meanwhile, to 2 dear friends of mine.. I wish you all the best for your future undertakings. It is sad to see you go. But then as I told you both.. in a way I am happy for you too... you are going for greener pastures.

Ramadhan Tag

I was tagged by guile. It was a bit difficult to choose the best 5 as I lurve food.... hehehe. Anyway, this one is for you dear.


NAME 5 FAVOURITE FOOD THAT YOU FEEL LIKE HAVING NOW

1. Laksam (especially if cooked by my Umi)
2. Dim sum
3. Bread and butter pudding (nothing beats the one served at Alexis)
4. Fajita
5. Chili Crab (from Fatty Crab kat Taman Megah)

NAME 5 FOOD YOU WOULD LIKE TO HAVE FOR BREAKFAST IF YOU COULD

1. Uncle Lim's roti bakar and half-boiled egg
2. Nasi dagang
3. Fried tanghoon kurang pedas
4. Roti Jala
5. Capati

NAME 5 FOOD YOU WOULD MOST LIKELY BUY FOR BERBUKA TODAY

1. Popiah basah (with the crispy thingy inside)
2. Tepung pelita
3. Ikan terubuk bakar
4. Udang masak lemak
5. Nasi kerabu

NAME 5 FAVORITE BEVERAGES YOU WOULD LIKE TO HAVE FOR BERBUKA OR SUPPER TODAY

1. Honey dew bubble tea
2. Fruit juice (anything.. as long as fresh juice)
3. Barley panas
4. Teh tarik
5. Hot chocolate with marshmallow

Finally.. I'm done. Now I would like to pass the baton to:

1. Axa ~ Malam pun tak pe as long as you do it
   Zawi ~ Can't wait to see your choice of food.. :)
2. Anne ~ Hope you don't forget your ID and pasword this time..hehehehe.
3. Mcbudu ~ hope you don't mind doing this.
4. Ku_am ~ I know you are very busy but I still insist that you do it for me. You have not blogged for quite a while.

Have fun guys.. :)