I have not done Tahajjud prayer for quite a long time and alhamdulillah last night I was able to.
I don't know why but as I sat on the sejadah reciting my doa, I felt the urge to cry and cry I did. I cried and cried until my eyes were all puffy.
I felt so small, so humble and so helpless.
I prayed that Allah will forgive me for not being thankful enough for all the Rahmat bestowed upon me. I realize that I have been so self-centered and always ask for more while giving so little in return.
As I wrote in my earlier posting, I wonder too much and often ask why I don't get what I wish for, why my dreams are not fulfilled, and why certain things in life do not go as planned.
Now I'm beginning to come to terms with that and redha with whatever that I have at the moment. I am still far better off compared to million others in this world. Here I am wondering why I don't get this and that while others who are less fortunate than me are thinking about how to survive at this very moment.
Ya Allah.. please give me strength to go through this life. I am just a human being with a lot of imperfections.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
My Proud Moment
I am beaming with pride.
So far Ellix has managed to do her half-day fasting for about 7 days already. What makes us so proud is the fact that we never asked her to but she does it out of her own will. We just explained to her what puasa means and why Muslims are required to puasa during ramadhan. We told her that it is not compulsory for kids to puasa but it will good if they do.
The first time Ellix told me that she puasa and did not eat until she got back home from her Kindie, I really thanked God. Even though it was only half a day, it is better than nothing. It's a start!
I, in a way, wondered what makes her decided to fast. Somehow I was sure it's not from the pep-talk that I had with her. Later I found out that she decided to puasa because her close Kindie friends who are muslim mostly puasa and did not eat during break. She further said that "Mama, the teacher did not scold us for not eating and did not ask us to stand at a corner this time. She let us play while others eat".
Hmm.. as I said before, Ellix will always be Ellix.
- Given the choice of eating and playing, she would definitely choose to play.
- She succumbs to peer pressure. But, hey.. I don't mind. This is a good peer pressure.
I thank God for the rahmat bestowed upon me thus far. Looking at her now makes me realize that, despite having so many unfulfilled wishes, life is not that bad after all.
So far Ellix has managed to do her half-day fasting for about 7 days already. What makes us so proud is the fact that we never asked her to but she does it out of her own will. We just explained to her what puasa means and why Muslims are required to puasa during ramadhan. We told her that it is not compulsory for kids to puasa but it will good if they do.
The first time Ellix told me that she puasa and did not eat until she got back home from her Kindie, I really thanked God. Even though it was only half a day, it is better than nothing. It's a start!
I, in a way, wondered what makes her decided to fast. Somehow I was sure it's not from the pep-talk that I had with her. Later I found out that she decided to puasa because her close Kindie friends who are muslim mostly puasa and did not eat during break. She further said that "Mama, the teacher did not scold us for not eating and did not ask us to stand at a corner this time. She let us play while others eat".
Hmm.. as I said before, Ellix will always be Ellix.
- Given the choice of eating and playing, she would definitely choose to play.
- She succumbs to peer pressure. But, hey.. I don't mind. This is a good peer pressure.
I thank God for the rahmat bestowed upon me thus far. Looking at her now makes me realize that, despite having so many unfulfilled wishes, life is not that bad after all.
Monday, September 24, 2007
There Goes.....
Oh my... I have ruined my diet over the weekend.
Sometimes I think it's better to just let my maid doing all the cooking because somehow the taste is not the same as when I cook myself. Even though I very seldom cook, but when I do, it's finger licking good... according to hubby (who else...hehehehe). And unlike some people who do not like to eat what they cook, it is not the same in my case. It makes me eat more because I get the exact taste that I want. :)
Anyway.. the culprits are:
Saturday: rendang campur (daging, hati and paru), nasi himpit and kuah kacang. I'm not trying to boast, but they are really yummy. It's really worth waking up early to go to the wet market to get all the ingredients.
Sunday: Ayam Masak lemak cili api, sambal tempoyak, pucuk paku goreng, telur bungkus and ikan masin. Even though they are simple food, but trust me.. can't stop once I started eating.
Hmmm.... I guess I will just have capati for tonite's berbuka.
Sometimes I think it's better to just let my maid doing all the cooking because somehow the taste is not the same as when I cook myself. Even though I very seldom cook, but when I do, it's finger licking good... according to hubby (who else...hehehehe). And unlike some people who do not like to eat what they cook, it is not the same in my case. It makes me eat more because I get the exact taste that I want. :)
Anyway.. the culprits are:
Saturday: rendang campur (daging, hati and paru), nasi himpit and kuah kacang. I'm not trying to boast, but they are really yummy. It's really worth waking up early to go to the wet market to get all the ingredients.
Sunday: Ayam Masak lemak cili api, sambal tempoyak, pucuk paku goreng, telur bungkus and ikan masin. Even though they are simple food, but trust me.. can't stop once I started eating.
Hmmm.... I guess I will just have capati for tonite's berbuka.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Ramadhan Comes Again
Come Ramadhan and Umi is off to Mekah for her Umrah again (12.40am, 11 September 2007 to be exact).
Ever since arwah my dad passed away in 2000 (on the 25th day of Ramadhan), Umi will spend the whole of Ramadhan there and will only be back on the first day of Raya or a day before.
Umi once told us that she will be at peace when she's in Mekah. She feels closer to arwah Abah there.
I remember talking to Umi a couple of weeks ago about Abah and from the expression on her face I can sense how much she misses Abah and how great her love is for him. Her eyes still watered whenever she talks about him.
I guess I am blessed with parents who share the kind of love and respect for each other that some of us can only wish we could have. Their love goes beyond the test of time and their wish is to be together dunia and akhirat.
Anyway, Selamat Berpuasa to all and may your blessings be too many to count and your worries too few to matter.
Ever since arwah my dad passed away in 2000 (on the 25th day of Ramadhan), Umi will spend the whole of Ramadhan there and will only be back on the first day of Raya or a day before.
Umi once told us that she will be at peace when she's in Mekah. She feels closer to arwah Abah there.
I remember talking to Umi a couple of weeks ago about Abah and from the expression on her face I can sense how much she misses Abah and how great her love is for him. Her eyes still watered whenever she talks about him.
I guess I am blessed with parents who share the kind of love and respect for each other that some of us can only wish we could have. Their love goes beyond the test of time and their wish is to be together dunia and akhirat.
Anyway, Selamat Berpuasa to all and may your blessings be too many to count and your worries too few to matter.
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Understanding Women
I wonder why some men find it difficult to understand women. Even those who have been married for more than a decade also sometimes complained that they do not understand why suddenly the wives gave them the 'long face' when they said something.
According to them, why can't women just say out loud what they really meant, rather than let the men get involve in the guessing game and try to figure out the 'real' meaning.
Come on guys, get real. I don't think it is difficult to understand what we are trying to say. You just need to get your brain to work harder and be more creative. :)
Anyway, in case you are still wondering how to understand the hidden meaning, below are a list of Woman's Vocabulary, Keywords and Meanings for your fun reference.
FINE
This is the word we use at the end of any argument in which we feel we are right, but need to shut you up.
NEVER use 'Fine' to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.
FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it's an even trade.
NOTHING
This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing"usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".
GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".
GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".
SOFT SIGH
gain, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.
OH
This word followed by any statement is trouble.Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night". If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine"when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. "Oh" as the lead-in to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows and a "Go ahead," followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write about them.
THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before visiting on you major retribution and tribulations for what ever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead". At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".
THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you're welcome.
THANKS A LOT
This is much different than "Thanks". A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing".
See... it's not that difficult, right?
According to them, why can't women just say out loud what they really meant, rather than let the men get involve in the guessing game and try to figure out the 'real' meaning.
Come on guys, get real. I don't think it is difficult to understand what we are trying to say. You just need to get your brain to work harder and be more creative. :)
Anyway, in case you are still wondering how to understand the hidden meaning, below are a list of Woman's Vocabulary, Keywords and Meanings for your fun reference.
FINE
This is the word we use at the end of any argument in which we feel we are right, but need to shut you up.
NEVER use 'Fine' to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.
FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it's an even trade.
NOTHING
This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing"usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".
GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".
GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".
SOFT SIGH
gain, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.
OH
This word followed by any statement is trouble.Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night". If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine"when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. "Oh" as the lead-in to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows and a "Go ahead," followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write about them.
THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before visiting on you major retribution and tribulations for what ever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead". At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".
THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you're welcome.
THANKS A LOT
This is much different than "Thanks". A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing".
See... it's not that difficult, right?
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